I wish I were an Artist

I enjoy watching chick flicks, especially those highlighting artists. I have seen some movies about emerging artists. The pop artists, at least most of them, write their own lyrics, compose music and perform to the songs all by themselves. They own the song completely. They start writing at a very young age. Lot of creativity is involved in this process.

I really appreciate these artists. Teenagers start creating albums which top the charts. The lyrics are so beautiful, meaningful, and emotional. It is hard to believe that such a young person could be so expressive. Usually they write from their personal experiences. Come to think about it we all go through ups and downs of life. But to be able to express our feelings in such a beautiful way is amazing.

I wish I were an artist. I would have given a concrete form to my feelings and created something memorable out of my phases of life. When you come across some beautiful romantic songs, either the artist has found some one or he is in company with a friend who is in a relationship. Same is the theory with the sad songs. Artists put their emotions into words and convey it to the world. I wish I were like them when ever I listen to their songs.

I want to recall how I felt when I topped the class in my 10th grade for the first time in several years of my schooling or how accomplished I felt when I got into the best job through campus placements. I have had a few accomplishments and failures in my life. But I don’t remember how I felt. I can generalize that I would have felt happy or sad but nothing specific. I wish I were able to put into words or in some way recorded how I felt when I my dad passed away and I was all alone pregnant with my son in this country when my loved ones were in India. I wish I wish…

I found something in Orkut…

I was introduced to Orkut by my sister in law a year ago. She told me that she met many of her old friends via Orkut. Obviously the next day I opened an Orkut account and met some old friends. I spent a few days chatting with the people I got in touch with after a decade. But what interested me the most is the capacity to investigate a person’s profile. I explored the application and edited the settings not to be seen by others when I visit their profile. Now I felt like a detective! I had the power to sneak into other’s world.

I started reading some of my friend’s scraps and their responses to figure out the hottest and latest in their lives. I came to know of the secret romances, live-in relationships, marriage dates even before I got the invitation, flirt styles of my relatives and friends – it was so interesting. It was like a gossip magazine for me. It became a habbit, something like reading a news paper!

Why are people publicizing their life so much? It is a well known fact that the scraps are public. If the scraps in your friends scrap book they are visible. So if a guy is interested in a girl or vice versa, it is very easy to know everything about the person or for an outsider like me about both of them by reading their more than 1000 scraps!

I have a friend whose relative is having an affair with a guy. It seems it is kept secret from her extended family. She says she is still not sure with whom she may get married. Now my curious friend raided her scrap book and found out the guy in her friend’s list and then she filtered all her scraps to him and the other way too. It turned out that they have the most public romance ever exchaning cute and cuddly dialogues via Orkut. That guy even posted a snap with her in his album. Interesting isnt it? She tells me she cannot wait leaking this news to everyone!

Another friend of mine, saw a girl in a wedding. He was interested in her and wanted to know more about her. He could’nt get much information on her in that wedding. But thanks to Orkut now he knows everything about her and her family as she has all the conversations with her sister in Orkut.

Why don’t the Orkut users use the application to find friends and take the conversations offline via email or Instant Messaging where you can have private conversations? The worst part is some people get offended that others are reading their scrap books. Is this invading their privacy? I don’t think so. Something put on display is meant to be watched! I stopped my subscription to People magazine after Orkut happened in my life!

Soul Searching

What is soul searching? These days some of my friends are into soul searching. I listen carefully to their versions but never understood what it is all about. One of my friends’s said it is about finding what you really want in life. I feel that if I try too hard to find out what makes me happy and if I cannot get it I will be unhappy. So basically I guess I am searching for unhappiness.

Yahoo has come up with a soul-search engine now. They claim to help users find what’s deep inside them. I don’t think I am ready to use it to find out what I really want. I feel that as a married woman and a mom of a toddler I have some responsibilities. I feel that it is selfish to neglect my loved ones who are dependent on me to find out my real passions.

Firstly the process requires lot of thinking leading to emotional trauma which I am not sure if I can take it with a full time job, and a family. I guess I should take a break from my job and let go of my responsibilities to pursue some thing which I am not sure of. But at the end of it say I found out that I really love to do a certain something which will not fit into my day with my current responsibilities then what? I will be disappointed and that will affect my daily routine.

Then I thought may be I can start soul searching once my son goes to college where I can spare some time. But that is optimistic thinking because who knows what is in store in our future. I need to be practical about what I am giving up. I need to have a contingency plan if my search fails.

I feel that if you are single and you did realize that you need to do some soul searching it is perfect timing. But if you are in the age group of 20-30 then you are missing on the romance, dating and all that kind of fun which will never come back later in your life. What if I did find some thing I really like, but may be I do not have any experience in that field and I try it out for couple of years and I feel that I am not good at it then what?

Life is all about being happy. If I can find contentment in what I have and what I do I guess that is enough. Listening to my friends from the past year made me think about soul searching. But I don’t think I want to do it, at least at this point of time in my life!