Monday, March 10, 2008

Some things cannot change!

Like me being funny. Looks like funny and me can never be used in the same sentence :-( No it is true. I am sure that by now who ever read any of my posts will confirm that. If this is the first one you are reading you should read my previous post: I have been tagged – I don’t hate men! It is a game. I could have written some thing funny. But I did not. I ended up with a serious note on love and peace. I am sure everybody is cursing me for being such a spoilsport.

If you see my profile you will see it says I am a fun loving person. I am not sure if it is mis leading because I love being around funny people, who can make fun about themselves and others (of course with out overdoing it). I like watching comedy movies. I actually don’t like watching serious drama or sad movies. So where is the problem? I cannot make fun of myself or others. I tried and tried, I just can’t.

I can quote the exact situation how certain things happened in my life and it makes others laugh because I am so dumb at times (or most of the times). But that is the truth. I don’t make them up. I can be funny that way. I can also imitate people very well. There is some fun in that too. But other than that I cannot come up with hilarious stuff. I am too serious and dont participate in making fun of others. I sit and smile. Thats it. So basically I end up looking as a boring person, very philosophical which loosely translates to (for some at least) boring.

It is not completely my fault. I come from a family of very serious and non fun loving people. Actually my dad is a little funny. But my mom and brother are not so funny people. I got so badly influenced by them that it is taking a hell lot of effort to turn into a funny person (which I actually want to be). The only movies we watched when growing up, that too once a year are educative award winning art kind of movies. In Telugu we used to watch only movies by K.Vishwanath. Let me tell you, they are not funny at all.

My mom raised us with all these Epic stories, Sanskrit proverbs, the good and the bad, a strict list of do’s and don’ts. In Sanskrit there is a quote which says what ever you do, do it with Trikarana Sudhi - Manasa, Vacha, Karmena which means purity of thought, speech, and action. I don’t even know why I listened to her. I am scared to lie, make fun of others things like that assuming some thing bad will happen to me. Now I know I was so stupid

I have to change. I want to change. But when ever I make some progress, my mom makes sure I go back to where I started. She is in her 50’s doesn’t mean that I should be philosophical too like her right? Actually she did a great job as I turned out to be purer than her I am not boasting. She does not gossip much but when ever she does, I stop her saying:

Why should we talk about others? Everybody has their own problems. So let’s not judge them or make fun of them.

Yeah, I am that horrible. Some times it feels like I am at a point of no return. The worst part is I asked my 3 year old the other day – “Hey is mom funny?” and he immediately says “Nooooooooo” with a smile. I make him laugh all the time making funny faces, singing, and dancing with him and this is what I get. What is wrong with him? So now I tried the other way, “Hey! If you want ice cream say that mom is funny’. To that he says “I don’t want ice cream mom!”