Relationships are fragile. Handle them with care. Be it with a friend, a partner, colleague anybody, its the same concept. Everybody is human and we all are more or less the same. According to me you change yourself to change others. Do not blame the other person in a relationship. Even if they are wrong you can change yourself to change them as you want them to be. Trust me, I implement all these and I think I am doing fine with the people around me. Recently a friend of mine asked me what is my five point strategy and this is what I said:
1. Patience
Be patient especially when the other person is not. If you wish to win you have to be better than the other person. You need to find out their weak point so pay attention and listen, in particular when they do some thing wrong. If the other person is a rival or a competitor take advantage of his/her weak point and make that your strong point you will definitely succeed over them. On the other hand, if the other person is family make them understand where they went wrong and help them over come their weakness.
2. Perseverance
Being patient is not enough; you need to be patient consistently. People who are doing something wrong or let me put it this way, some thing that you do not approve (because what is wrong for you might be right for another person) will not be able to learn in one day. So do not loose patience if they repeat the mistake; work on helping them they will change over a period of time.
3. Action and Reaction
It is not necessary to react during fights always. Wait till the high tide calms down. Only then your point will be noted and understood. So if you are expecting a change or a reaction to your lecture do not respond to their action immediately. It is very important in any relationship to keep your calm and talk to the other person when they are in a position to listen and understand what you wish to convey. Chances are you will get what you want this way and you can actually reform them; make them think and not loose their temper next time.
4. Pattern matching
Always look for patterns in fights or heated conversations. There will always be one. Pay attention, find a pattern, do some research on it, and come up with a strategy to change your behavior, the way you respond etc. to reduce the intensity of the next unpleasant conversation. Try to implement that when the next fight or discussion happens. If you spend some time with a person it is easy to predict what they think and do in most of the situations. Keep working on modifying yourselves to be calm during fights and you can easily enhance your relationship.
5. Forgive and forget
Forgiving is a very difficult task, but it does wonders. Let’s say there was no mistake of yours and you are blamed for some thing you did not do. It is obvious to get all furious and think of getting back to them and teach them a lesson so that they don’t repeat what they did. Now, if you shout at them or let them know their mistake in a rude way it won’t work. Instead forgive them and forget that they have been mean to you. Be nice to them. Wait till they calm down and then they will actually realize and learn their mistake. If they don’t the first time then go and talk to them softly when they are in a good mood and let them know your concern. Once you forgive forget what they did; no point in having grudges. Life is short and too precious to loose in hatred and revenge.
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