I thought I could do better than my mom!

Back in the day when I was growing up I used to pay close attention to what she did and used to think if I were her I wouldn’t have done that. OK I should confess before saying anything that she is the best. She is just great. But I was not this smart to understand laws of nature when I was a kid. She used to restrict me from doing certain things saying:

“Remember you are a girl. Behave like one.”

In spite of that she did entertain my tomboy nature. At the same time she tried her best to teach me the minimum things a young lady should know for she has to get married and go to another family some day! She taught me how to sew (I sew at times now), grind the batter for Dosa and Idly in a mortar (I don’t even use a grinder now; I buy the batter ;-)) but I was told it taught me patience, clean a house, and so on. She tried to teach me cooking but I never learnt it:-)

My brother was an ace student. She was so proud of him. I was good at studies too but not much into quizzing, debating, Math and Science Olympiads etc. I was the fun loving kind. I always got that look:

“Look at your brother and learn some thing”

He is the ideal son any parents can have, very responsible even as a kid. I was a complete opposite, a rebel sorts. She used to boast about him that he is participating in that quiz, this inter school competition etc to our neighbors, friends, and relatives. I used to think, I will never do that when I grow up. It is embarrassing to talk about your kids like that. When my brother told her to stop broadcasting about him she used to defend herself saying

“I am not making up things. I am telling the truth. What’s wrong?”

She wanted me to be a little better if not as good as him. I mean I used to come 2nd in class always and never pushed myself to get to the top. But she never gave up and patronizing me all the time. I thought she had lot of expectations from me. I did not like the fact that just because he is good at everything does not make it necessary that I follow his foot steps. On the other hand my dad took it easy in my case. He used to think

“She is a girl. She has to marry some day and take care of her family. How does it matter how much she scores in school”

I loved him for that. But my mom was adamant that I do better. She wanted me to shine like my brother. I thought more so that she can boast about me too. She always used the reverse psychology with me

“I know you can do it if you pay attention and work a little harder”

One more thing I never saw my parents fight or argue till I was 20 years old which now I feel is a major accomplishment in life. The usual arguing on simple things started once my dad retired from his work. To relax is a sin for her. She is this busy bee kind of person who is hyper active and ever involved in doing some thing useful all the time. Of course me being on my dad’s side never liked her way of things. Again at that point I used to think I will not be like her. I never understood why she got irritated with simple things.

Now a decade later I am married with a kid and I see her as a role model. I feel so silly when I sit and think that I started boasting about my 3 year old son’s minor accomplishments at his pre school. Her reverse psychology did not go waste as I grew more responsible and determined to achieve things in life for she had faith in me that I can do it and I did it. I should admit I owe what I am today to her and my brother’s untiring efforts

She dedicated all her life for our family. Now I feel if I can do 10% of what she did to us I will consider myself a good mom. I confess that I cannot spend a whole day with my Son playing with his toys and singing the same song for him a 1000 times. I need time for myself be it browsing, writing, listening to music, or watching TV.

She does not favor career women so much. She says they neglect their families. She tells me to stay at home and take care of my son and husband. But I don’t think I can ever settle down as a home maker. I need a job to keep my sanity. Being a home maker takes a lot of conviction which I don’t think I have. I used to think I can be a better mom and a better wife than she is but now I don’t think so. I will surely try to be my best but I don’t think I can beat her. My journey just started and I see that I am not even close to what she was this day that age. Mom, you are the best!