“Love is blind” is a widely used phrase but I never believed in it. I never understood how two people fail to see the flaws in the other person when they are so obvious to the world. I am not saying to search for a perfect person and then fall in love but I know about myself, my family and I should be able to see if the other person suits me and fits into my family or not. I always thought that people often mistake crush and infatuation to love and ignore the incompatibilities which may potentially affect them in their future life.
I have seen a few of my friends falling in “love” with a wrong guy, according to me of course. I used to question how a person can irresistibly be drawn to another in love. I do agree that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But my point was to see the reality and practicality beyond that beauty. Some people do not hesitate to go against their parents in pursuing their love. How can you even overlook a more than two decade relationship with your family who defined your life for a person you hardly know?
For me blind love where you see a person and feel the spark the first time you meet and then lose yourself completely in his or her love to the extent that your brains dumb down and rule your hearts is a highly over rated concept and was better in movies. Real time love stories always remained a mystery to me. By the way this is all about the feelings till you get engaged or married. Love after engagement or marriage is different. It makes so much sense than the other one. It is life made simple with a little ground work.
Well, I was suggested to write on this topic by one of my friends. In an attempt to understand the most profound and powerful human emotion I did some research and here are my findings. To start with the origin of the phrase is from a Shakespearean sonnet from “The Merchant of Venice”. Jessica says:
“Here, catch this casket; it is worth the pains.
I am glad 'tis night, you do not look on me,
For I am much ashamed of my exchange:
But love is blind and lovers cannot see
The pretty follies that themselves commit;
For if they could, Cupid himself would blush
To see me thus transformed to a boy.”
It is quite touching and very well said but it is still fiction. I was quite surprised to know love really is blind and there is a biological basis for the blindness. Research says that certain brain areas are stimulated when you see some one attractive and they produce a feeling of intense happiness. At the same time it is found that the feeling suppresses neural activity associated with critical social assessment and negative judgment. Now it makes sense why we see strange couples who say they had love at first sight or fell in love and then got married.
That said my next question is how long are the brain areas of negative judgment deactivated? Certainly not forever as they say “Marriage is an eye opener”. In this case I would say that people who get married and then fall in love are at an advantage as they have their brain cells deactivated for a longer time! After the deactivation process I guess one should be wise enough to accept the person for what they are and be happy!
I have seen a few of my friends falling in “love” with a wrong guy, according to me of course. I used to question how a person can irresistibly be drawn to another in love. I do agree that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But my point was to see the reality and practicality beyond that beauty. Some people do not hesitate to go against their parents in pursuing their love. How can you even overlook a more than two decade relationship with your family who defined your life for a person you hardly know?
For me blind love where you see a person and feel the spark the first time you meet and then lose yourself completely in his or her love to the extent that your brains dumb down and rule your hearts is a highly over rated concept and was better in movies. Real time love stories always remained a mystery to me. By the way this is all about the feelings till you get engaged or married. Love after engagement or marriage is different. It makes so much sense than the other one. It is life made simple with a little ground work.
Well, I was suggested to write on this topic by one of my friends. In an attempt to understand the most profound and powerful human emotion I did some research and here are my findings. To start with the origin of the phrase is from a Shakespearean sonnet from “The Merchant of Venice”. Jessica says:
“Here, catch this casket; it is worth the pains.
I am glad 'tis night, you do not look on me,
For I am much ashamed of my exchange:
But love is blind and lovers cannot see
The pretty follies that themselves commit;
For if they could, Cupid himself would blush
To see me thus transformed to a boy.”
It is quite touching and very well said but it is still fiction. I was quite surprised to know love really is blind and there is a biological basis for the blindness. Research says that certain brain areas are stimulated when you see some one attractive and they produce a feeling of intense happiness. At the same time it is found that the feeling suppresses neural activity associated with critical social assessment and negative judgment. Now it makes sense why we see strange couples who say they had love at first sight or fell in love and then got married.
That said my next question is how long are the brain areas of negative judgment deactivated? Certainly not forever as they say “Marriage is an eye opener”. In this case I would say that people who get married and then fall in love are at an advantage as they have their brain cells deactivated for a longer time! After the deactivation process I guess one should be wise enough to accept the person for what they are and be happy!
4 comments:
its a huge debate.... there is no hard and fast rule...
totally depends on person and environment....
love happens in many situations:
* sometimes u tend to be vulnerable say teenage or lonelyness... when u r lonely all u need is someone who can spend hours with u support u without judjing u...when this is opposite kind u tend to fall in love
* sometimes peer pressure. often happens in colleges.... teasing a gil and guy forcing them to fallin love :)
* sometimes person is matured enough and they know this is my love and they fight and achive it against all odds and live happily ever after.... success love stories
* sometimes u get carried away...fall in love.... then slowly realise its a blunder and back off.... this is all ditch cases be it gil or boy
stupid people cannot backoff...falthu sentiments hang on and cry for rest of their life
disappointment in life comes mostly when ur expectations are too high.... u have a rosy dream life that can never come true....u end up cribbing and making hell of ur life with unnecessary expectation.....
it goes on and on and on.....
lave fades off coz u r overwhelmed with responsibilities that come along in a relationship..... accept ur duties make the best of ur life... life hamesha rangeen rahega :)
this is true and u will accept.... say for example i can list out 10 unhappy and 10 happy things about my life. its upto me to screw up my life thinking of 10 unhappy stuff or be contented with happy part and make it better....
tought falling in love and the feel of it is very much out of world :), finally i would say love is not blind always....
Hey Anonymous,
Some great points for debate here. My view on your points:
1. When you are vulnerable - This happens a lot. At this point it is more of sympathy that gets two of you together. To start with they are being nice to you. Teenage or any other reason, many chances are you tend to take the closeness to the next level. But don't you think you or other person is not in a sane state of mind to make life's decisions.
I am not against love, or blindly falling in love. But to take this to the extent of spending life with that person is a big decision which has to be made carefully.
There are very many chances that you might not like this person (who has a good heart, who is very sympathetic, very nice and supportive) in other issues like having no stability in the job, not financially strong, or taking responsibility of the family etc. As you spend more time with the person you might see the indifferences which make a big difference and you might not approve of those in your life partner. Then what?
So my point is, if you blindly fall in love, take time to understand the person after the initial few aha moments and then decide.
2. Success love stories – no issues there.
3. Getting carried away – same argument as in point 1 above. I have seen in many Telugu movies that either the guy or the girl who is madly in love and when they realize the other person is not having the same feeling they tend to become sadistic and try to persuade them threatening them of suicide or harming them what not. These are totally pathetic stories. I just cannot approve of guy/girl who falls so low without understanding the meaning of love.
4. Love fades off – I do not completely agree to this. I mean obviously you won’t be having those moments which you had initially but as you spend more and more time the love matures into a different phase of appreciation and being proud that this person is part of your life. Responsibilities do come in but the way in which they both carry their responsibilities strengthens the bond and takes the trust and friendship to a different level.
I agree, love is not blind always. This post was more to discuss the blind love :)
I am a very strange person. I get along with very few people.
But I meet quite a few people as a member of different organizations.
I am a very good speaker on stage but offstage, I enjoy talking to very few people.
But when I meet someone I truly enjoy talking to, I feel excited and can talk with them forever it seems.
But why is it that I meet so few people who I enjoy talking to and love spending time with? Why do I feel excitement with so few people?
I think it is due to wavelength.
Like in physics there is a theory of resonance.
When the natural frequency of an object (for example a bridge) matches with frequency of a superimposed force (like wind or traffic on the bridge) the combination of the two is like 2+2=22 !
So when the right two people meet the effect can be tremendously satisfying.
The arranged marriage concept is artificial and depends on compromise and adjustment. This is not a bad thing. But one can rarely expect the tremendous 'resonance' of a meeting with a random person who excites us. These meetings do happen though. Why they happen and how is beyond my understanding. But they do. Maybe there is a God.
Let us say you make a product for sale. Now let us say your parents arrange for buyers who trust your parents and the product sells. You will be quite happy.
Now compare this to marketing the product yourself and the product selling beyond your wildest imagination. This is ecstasy.
In the second case the thrill is far greater since the product has sold on its own merits and based on your own efforts.
Parents are not infallible. I know lot of people who have serious misgivings about the behaviour of their own parents. Partiality, abuse, greed etc are traits of many of these parents.
After all, parents are also human. So one cannot really accept all their decisions as the best ever in many cases.Their decisions like our own, are prone to error.
I for one would rather suffer for my own errors than the errors of others (including my parents)
I think that every school should have 'relationship' classes.
With examples, children should be taught what to expect in a relationship, our responsibility towards our kids and the basic dos and donts of a relationship including respect and trust.
Once we are well coached in such important facets of life, we will be a lot more mature and careful in choosing our partners.
However the worst marriages I see are not the ones where there is abuse and incompatibility. These are easy to get out of. The decision to be taken is obvious. GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP !
But what about a relationship where there is apathy? I see people going through the motions.
They rarely say 'I love you' to each other. They rarely feel excited when they are with each other.
Excitement is one of the key 'perks' of life. This is why so many people resort to alcohol & drugs. To get excitement they are missing in real life.
It is like the old time hindi movies which were called 'formula' movies. Kids get lost, fall in love, find their mother & rejoin in the end with dishum dishum scenes in between.
Same way people get married, have kids, make money, buy things, show off to their friends etc etc.
Inside there is no excitement.
Life by formula.
This is why movies that move you to tears, scare you so badly you are frightened to open the door or make you laugh till your stomach aches are such big hits. People want to feel alive.
They want to feel that excitement they are missing in their relationships.
Wow! You have lot to say :)
You touched a lot of topics here. There are too many points to discuss here but if we stick to the content of the post, I did not say that arranged marriages are 100% right all the time or that love marriages no matter how they are, are better all the time.
If you take 1 marriage at a time, many things go into making it a success or a failure, not just parents or the couple.
I have a reason/answer/theory to all your points. Let's take it offline - email me at madhuri.garigipati@gmail.com if interested in debating/discussing any further.
Madhuri
Post a Comment