I owe you something

I always wondered how some people randomly happen in our lives and we do not have any say in it. If you rewind your life’s DVD a little and see how on earth this particular person came into your life – it might sound as a strange coincidence, fate, or destiny. May be it is God’s act of uniting people who had something to do with each other in the first place, who were compatible in someway.

I am talking about those few who happen to come into your life and make an unforgettable impact, be it good or bad. Some happen at the right time as if they came to rescue you from something, help you pass through a phase, enlighten you of something while some shatter your life, take the peace out of the otherwise perfectly joyful life etc.

Well whoever they are however they are they happen for a reason. A few such people happened in my life too and I am glad they all happened at the right time at the right place and I did not have any bad experiences with them.

I always try to analyze things beyond reason. Of course I did think why certain people came into my life and made such an impact. If I think about, it is not so like me to make friends with those people. After all the analysis and research here are my observations, couple of theories, and conclusions.

I am a Software Engineer by profession and here is my first theory on how and why a random person comes into your life.

Theory1: Assume your life is like a project and God is the Manager. (If you don’t believe in God assume it to be some super natural power in charge). You and this new person happen to be in the same organization. The Manager paired you up with him/her to work together because he thought you both were compatible in someway and can accomplish something together.

Sometimes, things don’t work out as hoped for. For all you know this can be an experiment. The Manager sees that things are not working out as planned and he will decide to end the relationship. That’s how relationships end. At times, even though you get along really well and are excellent together, still the relationship ends.

Reason might be that the Manager thought, this guy/girl is so good we can use their skill set in another project. So let me put this resource to good use somewhere else to change somebody else’s life. That’s another way how your relationship with that person which is going perfectly might end as God has different plans for him/her. Sometimes it can be death which takes away your dear ones from you. They were taken away to help someone somewhere.

I just finished watching a movie “Chances Are”. It is a comedy movie about reincarnation but couple of lines from this movie caught my attention:

We all are connected in one way or other. We keep meeting souls we’re attached to for better or for worse life after life. Some times I wonder why I worry about past lives at all. I am having so much trouble with this one.

Interesting isn’t it? Well, I am a strong believer that you came into my life because we both are connected in someway or the other. I had many instances in my life which made my belief stronger with each experience.

Sometimes some people seem really weird. In spite of that you cannot help but get close to them. Well, your friends around you might think, what is wrong with her? Why is she a friend with such a weird person? It is not so like her.

But weirdness is not a crime. You see there is something in that person that makes them special to you for some peculiar inexplicable reason. I believe that people are generally good. Nobody is perfect and everybody has 50% positives and 50% negatives in them. If you encounter the positives in that person you get close. Not necessary that everybody sees the same thing in that person.

Theory 2: Assume a person is like a multi layered cake. It looks great from the outside. Just fabulous! You can’t wait to taste it. Let us assume it is a Raspberry chocolate walnut cream cheese cakeJ. Well, I don’t know how it tastes but I am not a big fan of raspberry, cream cheese or walnut. Except chocolate I don’t like any other ingredient in that cake.

If you take a vertical slice the cake might taste real bad as a whole or maybe tastes just okay but not that great. That is taking the person as a whole and trying to judge him/her. If you tried to eat just one layer – say raspberry or the cream cheese which you hate, that means you got in touch with the real bad flavor in that person which made you think he/she is a loser.

What if there is one chocolate layer somewhere in between. You see that, don’t bother about other layers and carefully took a slice of just the chocolaty part. It tastes divine and you are just happy to have eaten another slice of the best thing you like. You tried to even attempt to eat that cake because there is chocolate in it. May be only that layer caught your attention.

This is what I am talking about. Since you are concerned only about the chocolate part of it, you don’t care how the rest of the cake looks or tastes. Of course you will not order that cake for your own partyJ (not fall in love with that person or commit for anything major in life) but you don’t mind eating the chocolate layer when you happen to see that cake somewhere else.

One of my friends once said:

We do not get along with everyone. Nobody is perfect really. If they were it would get boring. It’s just that some are easier to get along with than others or maybe some like you more than others. Either way it works.

Quite true! There is much more to a person than the appearance. Remember, appearances are always deceptive. You cannot judge people by looking at them or knowing a few things about them. What ever negative things you heard about them may be circumstantial, not supposed to happen that way but just happened.

I usually don’t judge people. (At least I think I don’t) at the same time, it does not bother me much when I get to know something negative (according to me of course) about them. Even if it does, I do a What-If analysis placing myself in their shoes to understand from their point of view. Life becomes easier, less complicated this way. Your hatred levels go down real quick!

Theory 3: According to our epics/mythology/culture/the concept of rebirth what ever it is, the belief is that life is like a business. All the people in our life are the those we deal with. If I owe you something, as if to complete the transaction, you come into my life in the form of a relationship (obviously you want your money or what ever I owe you back don’t you!) and vice versa. Once the debt is cleared you leave me.

There is a Sanskrit sloka that supports the above theory. I am not sure of the origin of this sloka (which Upanishad, Veda, or epic it comes from) but it has a beautiful meaning about relationships:

Runanu bandha rupena pasu patni sutalaya,

Runa kshaya khsayeyanthi katatra parivedana

It is debt that I owe you or you owe me that comes into our lives in the form of relationships – wife, kids, pets or any other form. Once the debt is cleared the relationship ends. There is nothing to worry that it has ended.

If you noticed the "wife" part, this sloka is for a man! All our ancient scriptures are addressing man. But this can be equally extended, applied for a woman too ;-)

The concept sounds quite simple. Even if you do not believe in this philosophy, there should be some cosmic power which makes all this happen. I try to figure out why certain people came into my life started creating ripples, so many ripples that they formed into powerful waves disturbing my mental balance. Now, I give up. I don’t want to know why. Trying to figure out these kinds of things is way too complex.

Recently one of my friends said something which made me write this post in the first place. I think I am going to give up fighting with my inner voice or what ever that is which keeps on arguing with me about my special friends :-)

Why and how this happens? One can put down to simply 'the act of God'. And why do I even want to analyze the 'why' and not just be thankful?

Conclusions: As long as you are happy in a relationship that’s the only thing that should matter. In case of friendships between opposite sex it is wise to take everything into consideration when taking the friendship to another level and commit to a life long relationship.

I guess I am indebted to all those special people in my life that came and went away. Some are still there who say hello once in a while. But no matter how far we are, how rarely or often we talk or see each other, the strength of the relationship did not change and hopefully will not. I am glad you all came into my life and made me a better person.