Why are you a man?

My son is 3yrs 7mths old now. He started asking why for every word we say, every sound we make, and every thing he sees around. It is so difficult to answer (correctly that is) to all his questions. I am very particular to answer his questions to precision as my point is that he is learning every second. But my husband takes it easy.

He gives him all weird answers which I do not like but you know I try to ignore them not to start a fight :-)I think I can write a book on the questions he asks. They are so interesting. I mean I am surprised by his curiosity and his memory power. He remembers every answer I give him and uses them later when time comes. So I better be careful in answering his questions.

Yesterday (Friday) my husband was having breakfast and my son jumps to sit on his lap and looks at his face closely. My husband does not shave on Friday and the weekend. So he saw traces of moustache and beard on his dad's face and started his interrogation. Here is their conversation:

Son: Dad! What is this on your lips? (He touches it and asks him)
Dad: It is hair (I thought why he can’t say moustache - I usually give him a look, why can’t you answer properly :-) To that he says, will you relax, I am having fun with him. Shouldn’t I ever have fun with my Son?

Son: Hair? No it is not hair. They are whiskers.
Dad: He smiles heartily, gives him a kiss and says no they are not whiskers, it is called moustache.

Son: Why do you have hair on your lips? Hair should be on your head
Dad: Ok hair that grows on lips is called moustache. You want one?

Son: Moustache? Why do you have moustache?
Dad: Because I am a man

Son: You are a man? Why do you have hair on your chin too?
Dad: Hair that grows on the chin is called beard.

Son: Beard? Why do you have a beard?
Dad: Because I am a man

Son: You have moustache and beard because you are a man?
Dad: That’s rightSon: Why are you a man?(I loved this question.....I was waiting to see how he answers it)

Dad: Puzzled look smiles and says if you ask me more questions you will get whiskers and beard like me. You want them now?

Son: Mom, why is daddy a man? (Now it's my turn to impart knowledge to my son)
Me: Ummmmmm because he is a grown up boy and when you grow up you will be a man

Son: I will be a man? Why will I be a man?
Me: Boys when they grow up they become men

Son: When I grow up will I get whiskers too?
Me: They are not called whiskers. It is a moustache. You will get both a moustache and a beard

Son: Starts crying. I don’t want to be a man. I want to be a boy. I don’t want whiskers, I don’t like dad.
Me: Why don’t you like him? You love him and he loves you so much.

Son: He says that I will get whiskers and beard. I don’t want to be like him.

From then on I tease my husband asking him why is he a man :-)

After 8 days of being tagged, I came up with my list of 8’s

Well, I have been tagged by Sophizz (Sophia) 8 days ago. Thank you Sophia for tagging me as I thoroughly enjoyed writing this one. I sat and thought for quite some time to make my list of eights. Added some, deleted some, moved the positions based on priority – I am telling you I took a lot of time to write this one

I told my husband about this tagging game and asked him to tell me about his list of passionate 8’s. He gave me a silly laugh - me and passions? Are you kidding? When I gave him a look:

I won’t leave you until you come up with some thing

He started to think. I asked him the easiest category first –Travel. He immediately told me 8 places he would like to travel. When it came to passions he took 4 hours to make a list of 3 that too I put words into his mouth by giving him options to pick and choose. He couldn’t even do that. His first passion after thinking for 1 hour was "sleep". And that’s it; he couldn’t come up with anything else.

Then I asked my 3 year old and he immediately came up with 10 passions in no time. I am not sure if he knows the meaning of passion but the list makes lot of sense. These are things he loves soooooo much. He was ummmmmming for every item, rolling his eyes, counting with his little fingers oh my god you should have seen him…

Cars
Trains
McQueen Car (from Disney pixar’s movie)
King (from Disney pixar’s movie)
Chuck (from Disney pixar’s movie)
You (me)
Dad
Amamma (Grandma)
3 Wheeler cars (He recently saw in TV)
Gold fish crackers

I was so proud of him, hugged him gave him a 1000 kisses, danced with him. I was sooooo happy. Of course I gave my husband one more look –

See, this is me in him. Watch him and learn some thing.

I am glad that he got all my traits and none of husband’s when it comes to imagination. Seriously man otherwise life gets so boring.
Here comes my list of 8's:

8 things I am passionate about

Nature
Travel
Honesty
Intelligence
Helping others
Driving listening to melodious romantic songs
Understanding and analyzing people
Accomplishments and achievements

8 things I want to do before I die

Write a book on relationships and marriage (write more but this is one topic I already started)
Direct a movie (a romantic comedy)
Sing songs for movies – music director preferably Shankar Eshan Loy – I love to sing with orchestra. Learn how to play guitar.
Fly a plane with my husband and kid to my side
Hike some tallest mountains or peaks – first in my list would be Half dome and El Capita in Yosemite, California
Act in Theater
Become CEO of some S/W company
Build our dream house from scratch on a nice hill top with an Ocean view in a rich village like Saratoga in San Jose, Tiburon in San Francisco, Los Altos hills, San Diego

8 places I want to visit before I die – I added this category

Manas Sarovar
Kashmir
Kerala
Delhi – Travel the whole city and live there for some time
France – Start from Louvre museum and travel to all the locations mentioned in the book Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown
Costa Rica
Amazon Basin
Alaska

8 things I often say

What is the point? / There is no point / The point is – There should always be a point in what ever I say or do J
Thank you
Sorry
Ayyo Rama (usually used to convey “I don’t mean that” or to convey “you are mistaken” with close Indian friends)
Really?
You know what?
I don’t think so
Oh my god.

8 books I have read recently

I don’t read many books. From the past 3 yrs it has been mostly parenting magazines, Weight loss and exercise magazines, Hollywood gossip magazines, local Indian magazines about NRIs etc.

The 2 recent books which I really liked:

Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown
Who moved my cheese? By Spencer Johnson

8 songs I could listen to over and over - I gave the links you can watch the videos.

Pehla pehla pyar hai – Hum Appke Hain Kaun
http://youtube.com/watch?v=gIODEFkvjTA

Chand sifarish jo karta hamara - Fana
http://youtube.com/watch?v=fBKbZH2lHVg

Ankhon mein teri – Om Shanti Om
http://youtube.com/watch?v=fOszdaumexk

Hai mera dil - Josh
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Bk5H_ZQvdNA

Chand Chupa badal mein – Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam
http://youtube.com/watch?v=J8gqpnU0Ahc

Sanso ko sanso mein dhal ne do zara – Hum Tum
http://youtube.com/watch?v=sjDZTT9BXGM

Tu jahan – Salaam Namaste
http://youtube.com/watch?v=sjDZTT9BXGM

Kal ho na ho – Kal ho na ho
http://youtube.com/watch?v=chf5uvR9n7o

8 things that attract me to my best friends

Smile
Honesty
The way I talk
I am very energetic and enthusiastic some times quite restless
I go beyond my means to help my friends
I advise a lot. I am very caring and listen to their problems
I have lot of funny stories to share. I can make them laugh so much.
Innocence and Ignorance – I act innocent if I don’t like some thing but I am actually ignorant of many things :-)

What if she does not deserve my love and affection?

These days there are several guys who want to get married but are not able to find the girl of their dreams. I am talking about Indian guys. I have come across several guys who say that they have been browsing several matrimonial sites themselves while their family and extended family untiringly search for the appropriate girl for this boy. The process is taking a few years for some. The guys do not like most of the girls. One of my friends when asked what he wants in a girl he said it is enough if the girl is not evil or wicked. I was shocked to hear that.

Another friend of mine has been searching for a girl to marry from more than a year. He is very disappointed with every girl he meets. What is going wrong here? Is it really true that today’s girls are so bad? Why is it that the demand and supply are not in sync? How come so many girls are not matching the requirements of the guys and vice versa? I heard that if the guy finally likes the girl she rejects him for reasons like he is not an NRI, is not a software professional, does not earn enough etc. Are they trying to find a life partner to lead a happy peaceful life or some thing else?

My friend here says that he has seen couple of his friends who are fulfilling the role of a wife, mother, daughter in law, sister in law etc perfectly. He is trying to search for a girl who is like that. He is not able to find a girl who matches his wish list. But how can he? I mean how does he know if the girl can fit all those roles by talking to her for a few days? I am positive she can and will fulfill the different roles if you cooperate with her. Marriage is never a one man army. It is a game played by two as partners and they have to match their ideas and views to get on well. It is a relationship you develop while living together not some thing to be found ready made.

He asks me what if she does not deserve my love and affection. That is a very wrong thing to say. When you love some one you should do so without being selfish. Give her your love with out expecting anything in return and you will be surprised to see what she has to offer. If you ask me, nobody is evil or bad by nature. People around them, circumstances and some situations make them behave that way. As long as you are a loving and caring person the other person will be the same with you. There is a saying:

Ask not go on giving, waves of happiness will come forward to wet your feet. You need not move forward to reach them.

It is so true. If you don’t have any expectations you will appreciate what you have in life. Don’t get me wrong I am not saying don’t be ambitious. I mean to say that with a huge wish list in your hand no single girl is going to fit your dream girl role and you will be disappointed later for not finding the right girl. Be reasonable and accept the fact that you are not a perfect guy either. I am really surprised to hear from some people their wish lists. I just cannot see how a girl who matches that list will agree to marry this guy as he will never match her list.

I am proud of me

My son was saying "I am proud of me" today. When I asked him why, he said he saw a cartoon and one of the characters was saying a difficult word and he is able to say it. I was happy that he understood the phrase and used it in the right context and was actually proud of learning some thing.

This made me think. Can I ever say that I am proud of myself? People around me said several times that they were proud of me. I have low self esteem. I think every person around me is better than I am in some or the other way. I am self critical and for some reason nobody can ever convince me that I am good at some thing.

These days I am on a job hunt. Trying to find a job after 10 months of break in software industry is not easy. This week I have an interview and I want to give my best. Today in spite of being a Sunday (whole family at home), Ugadi (our New Year festival) I managed to study for 6 hours. I learnt 2 new songs to divert myself from technology for a while, thought of two topics for my blog, and took some tickle tests (psychology tests to learn more about your self. These are pretty cool. If you haven’t tried these before try one you will like it. Their results are quite accurate.)

Later in the evening I was checking my email and received one forward mail. It turned out to be about a Professor at Carnegie Mellon University Randy Pausch, who is dying from pancreatic cancer. He gave his last lecture at the university before a packed Auditorium. In his talk, "Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams," Pausch talked about his lessons learned and gave advice to students on how to achieve their own career and personal goals.

I was very much impressed with his lecture. Not to mention I felt good that I actually follow some of his rules or principles. If you are interested here is the link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo

During dinner time my husband was complaining that our son doesn’t know how to write letters of the Alphabet properly and that we are not paying attention to him. This is his way of saying that you should do some thing about it. I confronted my husband confidently and said “I am aware of it and I am guilty that I am not paying much attention to him. Let me finish my interview and I will teach him how to write.” As I said this I already made a decision to take this as a challenge and make my son write in less than a week or 2. I am quite competitive you know. But here the point to be noted is the way in which I answered him. I never did that before. I was so sure of what I said and I did not feel bad.

Later my son asked me why I was studying so much. I told him I have an interview. He asked me why and I told him I have to find a job. He asked me why I want to go to work. I told him – “I like working. As you go to school to study and dad goes to work I too want to go to work. That will make me happy.” To that he responded saying, “you will be happy if you go to work?” and smiled. I felt as if I got a green signal from him.

Today I am proud of myself for what I am, for what I have accomplished so far, for my potential to do things. I still don’t agree that I am good at everything I do but I am proud of me (today) and it feels great!

Some things cannot change!

Like me being funny. Looks like funny and me can never be used in the same sentence :-( No it is true. I am sure that by now who ever read any of my posts will confirm that. If this is the first one you are reading you should read my previous post: I have been tagged – I don’t hate men! It is a game. I could have written some thing funny. But I did not. I ended up with a serious note on love and peace. I am sure everybody is cursing me for being such a spoilsport.

If you see my profile you will see it says I am a fun loving person. I am not sure if it is mis leading because I love being around funny people, who can make fun about themselves and others (of course with out overdoing it). I like watching comedy movies. I actually don’t like watching serious drama or sad movies. So where is the problem? I cannot make fun of myself or others. I tried and tried, I just can’t.

I can quote the exact situation how certain things happened in my life and it makes others laugh because I am so dumb at times (or most of the times). But that is the truth. I don’t make them up. I can be funny that way. I can also imitate people very well. There is some fun in that too. But other than that I cannot come up with hilarious stuff. I am too serious and dont participate in making fun of others. I sit and smile. Thats it. So basically I end up looking as a boring person, very philosophical which loosely translates to (for some at least) boring.

It is not completely my fault. I come from a family of very serious and non fun loving people. Actually my dad is a little funny. But my mom and brother are not so funny people. I got so badly influenced by them that it is taking a hell lot of effort to turn into a funny person (which I actually want to be). The only movies we watched when growing up, that too once a year are educative award winning art kind of movies. In Telugu we used to watch only movies by K.Vishwanath. Let me tell you, they are not funny at all.

My mom raised us with all these Epic stories, Sanskrit proverbs, the good and the bad, a strict list of do’s and don’ts. In Sanskrit there is a quote which says what ever you do, do it with Trikarana Sudhi - Manasa, Vacha, Karmena which means purity of thought, speech, and action. I don’t even know why I listened to her. I am scared to lie, make fun of others things like that assuming some thing bad will happen to me. Now I know I was so stupid

I have to change. I want to change. But when ever I make some progress, my mom makes sure I go back to where I started. She is in her 50’s doesn’t mean that I should be philosophical too like her right? Actually she did a great job as I turned out to be purer than her I am not boasting. She does not gossip much but when ever she does, I stop her saying:

Why should we talk about others? Everybody has their own problems. So let’s not judge them or make fun of them.

Yeah, I am that horrible. Some times it feels like I am at a point of no return. The worst part is I asked my 3 year old the other day – “Hey is mom funny?” and he immediately says “Nooooooooo” with a smile. I make him laugh all the time making funny faces, singing, and dancing with him and this is what I get. What is wrong with him? So now I tried the other way, “Hey! If you want ice cream say that mom is funny’. To that he says “I don’t want ice cream mom!”

I dont hate men!

I do not hate men. I cannot think of even some fun things. I am not so funny you know when it comes to things like this.Yes, you heard me right. I do not hate men. I personally think I have been extremely lucky as I hardly had any bad experiences with guys as a kid; as I was growing up, in college, at work, or after getting married.

My brother, father, my class mates, my father-in-law, my brother-in-law, and now my son; well for that matter any guy I have interacted with has been quite decent to me and are very good men. I read some of the posts on this topic and I am aware of the things they have mentioned in there. I do know of some men whom I heard are mean to their wives, physically abuse them etc but I personally have not met them or interacted with them in any way. So I cannot talk about them.

For me, hate is a very strong word. I do not hate anybody. I do have some minor arguments with my husband at times but I am not perfect either. I always do what if analysis before reacting to any situation. If we calm down and try to think through there is always a problem on both sides when ever there is an issue. In any relationship the problem is never with one person.

We definitely cannot talk about strangers but with our own people, our family, we can change them if we are not comfortable with how they are or how they behave. For any change it is an agreement, a trade we should be willing to make. I give you some thing and you give me some thing in return. Let me compromise on certain things which are not very important to gain some which will make a difference.

Coming to men who are strangers who can affect me, I ignore them. I don’t give them a chance to scare me, threaten me, and take advantage of me. I stay away from them and such things. If you are careful enough you can avoid a lot of things. I studied in Co-education schools and travelled in buses. I had couple of unpleasant experiences, very minimal but I taught them a lesson soon.

In my opionion all women in one of way or another need a man’s help. It is vice versa too. We cannot exist with out each other so better come to terms and live a peaceful life. I am positive that if you ask a man he can come up with more reasons to hate women than we do. What is the point?

I thought I could do better than my mom!

Back in the day when I was growing up I used to pay close attention to what she did and used to think if I were her I wouldn’t have done that. OK I should confess before saying anything that she is the best. She is just great. But I was not this smart to understand laws of nature when I was a kid. She used to restrict me from doing certain things saying:

“Remember you are a girl. Behave like one.”

In spite of that she did entertain my tomboy nature. At the same time she tried her best to teach me the minimum things a young lady should know for she has to get married and go to another family some day! She taught me how to sew (I sew at times now), grind the batter for Dosa and Idly in a mortar (I don’t even use a grinder now; I buy the batter ;-)) but I was told it taught me patience, clean a house, and so on. She tried to teach me cooking but I never learnt it:-)

My brother was an ace student. She was so proud of him. I was good at studies too but not much into quizzing, debating, Math and Science Olympiads etc. I was the fun loving kind. I always got that look:

“Look at your brother and learn some thing”

He is the ideal son any parents can have, very responsible even as a kid. I was a complete opposite, a rebel sorts. She used to boast about him that he is participating in that quiz, this inter school competition etc to our neighbors, friends, and relatives. I used to think, I will never do that when I grow up. It is embarrassing to talk about your kids like that. When my brother told her to stop broadcasting about him she used to defend herself saying

“I am not making up things. I am telling the truth. What’s wrong?”

She wanted me to be a little better if not as good as him. I mean I used to come 2nd in class always and never pushed myself to get to the top. But she never gave up and patronizing me all the time. I thought she had lot of expectations from me. I did not like the fact that just because he is good at everything does not make it necessary that I follow his foot steps. On the other hand my dad took it easy in my case. He used to think

“She is a girl. She has to marry some day and take care of her family. How does it matter how much she scores in school”

I loved him for that. But my mom was adamant that I do better. She wanted me to shine like my brother. I thought more so that she can boast about me too. She always used the reverse psychology with me

“I know you can do it if you pay attention and work a little harder”

One more thing I never saw my parents fight or argue till I was 20 years old which now I feel is a major accomplishment in life. The usual arguing on simple things started once my dad retired from his work. To relax is a sin for her. She is this busy bee kind of person who is hyper active and ever involved in doing some thing useful all the time. Of course me being on my dad’s side never liked her way of things. Again at that point I used to think I will not be like her. I never understood why she got irritated with simple things.

Now a decade later I am married with a kid and I see her as a role model. I feel so silly when I sit and think that I started boasting about my 3 year old son’s minor accomplishments at his pre school. Her reverse psychology did not go waste as I grew more responsible and determined to achieve things in life for she had faith in me that I can do it and I did it. I should admit I owe what I am today to her and my brother’s untiring efforts

She dedicated all her life for our family. Now I feel if I can do 10% of what she did to us I will consider myself a good mom. I confess that I cannot spend a whole day with my Son playing with his toys and singing the same song for him a 1000 times. I need time for myself be it browsing, writing, listening to music, or watching TV.

She does not favor career women so much. She says they neglect their families. She tells me to stay at home and take care of my son and husband. But I don’t think I can ever settle down as a home maker. I need a job to keep my sanity. Being a home maker takes a lot of conviction which I don’t think I have. I used to think I can be a better mom and a better wife than she is but now I don’t think so. I will surely try to be my best but I don’t think I can beat her. My journey just started and I see that I am not even close to what she was this day that age. Mom, you are the best!