Love is in the air

Coming soon!

The Jane Austen’s Book Club

I saw a movie “The Jane Austen's Book club” today. I really liked it. More than the movie story, I liked the concept of the book club, all of them reading the same book by Jane Austen and discussing their opinions, questions, views on the characters and arguing/debating was interesting.

I wish I were in a book club. I have never been in one before. I don’t remember knowing first hand any book club. I never did group study either. Hence don’t know much about reading groups. I never worked with another team member till recently at work. So not sure how good I am in a team.

Since I hardly read anything before, it is very hard to find some one for my book club. Meaning what ever I plan to read now might have been already read by any person I would like to invite to join my club.

I am pretty sure there will be tons of book clubs online but not interested in joining anything online now. I did discuss the very few books I read with like minded people. But those were quite high level discussion nothing in detail about author’s writing style or how I perceive the characters things like that.

One way is I can get a book, read it, find out from one of my friend’s if they read it already (I am pretty sure at least 3 or 4 very close friends of mine would have read the books I am interested in more than once) and discuss with them. None of these friends live close by (some live in different continents) so it should be one of chat, email, or phone conversation.

Will it be the same as talking to them in person? I don’t think so. It would be good if we can meet once a week in one of those ancient coffeehouses and discuss the book. Wishful thinking! Wait, I have a blogger friend who might be interested. Let me call her and see if she is interested J

I did not read any of Jane Austen's books. I read Pride and Prejudice – in school. Saw the movie. But based on my one experience – I read Da Vinci Code first and then saw the movie; I know that watching a movie is not the same as reading the book.

So I decided to get all the 6 novels by Jane Austen and read them. I also ordered the movies based on these novels on Netflix. I just love movies and Theater, just can’t resist. Actually I might come up with an article on movies based on novels after this experiment!

I am really excited about this adventure of mine. One of my college friends recently said that if I made up my mind about some thing I accomplish it. I want to see if it is true or if I still have it with this new exciting book reading adventure.

If any of you are interested in joining my book club contact me. We will see if we are compatible to proceed:-)

You are everything I never knew I always wanted

I did not know what I wanted in you for I was not ready for it. I did not know what I was in the first place to think about how you should be. The thought or need for you never occurred to me when you happened in my life. It was not love at first sight or some falling star saying that this is the guy. I did not feel anything when I first met you.

I must agree that everything changed after that. It felt like I found the one thing I really care about, the one special thing that means more to me than anything else in the world. The things you told me, the dreams you showed me, I never heard them before in any stories or saw them in movies. You were so unique. You are the epitome of every quality that I have ever looked for in another person.

I heard my friends say that you have missed some thing in life if you did not fall in love randomly following your heart. But it does not matter that I missed such excitements in the past as I am enjoying my journey now. Falling in love with you is the greatest thing that happened to me when it was least expected.

You could have been anywhere in the world but you picked me to be with you. I like who I am because of you. My life is better with you by my side. It feels like we are the best match that can ever be made and we had nothing to do with it. It just happened.

I always believed that the trick in life isn't getting what you want; it is in wanting it after you get it. After all these years I know you, I think I would miss you even if we never met. Because you are everything I never knew I always wanted!

Love is actually blind

“Love is blind” is a widely used phrase but I never believed in it. I never understood how two people fail to see the flaws in the other person when they are so obvious to the world. I am not saying to search for a perfect person and then fall in love but I know about myself, my family and I should be able to see if the other person suits me and fits into my family or not. I always thought that people often mistake crush and infatuation to love and ignore the incompatibilities which may potentially affect them in their future life.

I have seen a few of my friends falling in “love” with a wrong guy, according to me of course. I used to question how a person can irresistibly be drawn to another in love. I do agree that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But my point was to see the reality and practicality beyond that beauty. Some people do not hesitate to go against their parents in pursuing their love. How can you even overlook a more than two decade relationship with your family who defined your life for a person you hardly know?

For me blind love where you see a person and feel the spark the first time you meet and then lose yourself completely in his or her love to the extent that your brains dumb down and rule your hearts is a highly over rated concept and was better in movies. Real time love stories always remained a mystery to me. By the way this is all about the feelings till you get engaged or married. Love after engagement or marriage is different. It makes so much sense than the other one. It is life made simple with a little ground work.

Well, I was suggested to write on this topic by one of my friends. In an attempt to understand the most profound and powerful human emotion I did some research and here are my findings. To start with the origin of the phrase is from a Shakespearean sonnet from “The Merchant of Venice”. Jessica says:

“Here, catch this casket; it is worth the pains.
I am glad 'tis night, you do not look on me,
For I am much ashamed of my exchange:
But love is blind and lovers cannot see
The pretty follies that themselves commit;
For if they could, Cupid himself would blush
To see me thus transformed to a boy.”

It is quite touching and very well said but it is still fiction. I was quite surprised to know love really is blind and there is a biological basis for the blindness. Research says that certain brain areas are stimulated when you see some one attractive and they produce a feeling of intense happiness. At the same time it is found that the feeling suppresses neural activity associated with critical social assessment and negative judgment. Now it makes sense why we see strange couples who say they had love at first sight or fell in love and then got married.

That said my next question is how long are the brain areas of negative judgment deactivated? Certainly not forever as they say “Marriage is an eye opener”. In this case I would say that people who get married and then fall in love are at an advantage as they have their brain cells deactivated for a longer time! After the deactivation process I guess one should be wise enough to accept the person for what they are and be happy!

Love at first sight

Do you believe in “Love at first sight”? Well, people who know me may say that how will I know? I had an arranged marriage and fell in love after I got engaged! I have not seen any of my friends who had “Love at first sight” either. But I do have friends who were in love at first and then got married. Some of them had loved some one and married a different person for various reasons.

Now, I can understand the feeling where you see some one, get attracted, make friendship, know them for a while and then decide to spend your life with them. But, love at first sight? I mean the meaning of love is different from what you feel by interacting or just seeing a person the very first time. My opinion is that crush or infatuation is often mistaken for love at first sight.

Come to think of it, people who claim to have had love at first sight are couples whose love succeeded. If it did not they would say it was just a crush and move on. But the truth is that the feeling when you see a person for the first time is a mere physical attraction, infatuation or some thing like that which blossoms into love as the relationship grows.

Love at first sight is like looking at an outfit in a store and feeling that it would look great on you. But it may actually look stunning on the mannequin and may not fit you. Assuming I fell in love with this dress and now that does not fit me, or may be it does not look as stunning on me as it looked on that skinny and tall Barbie doll mannequin. Now what? I get a little disappointed and take it out and leave it. I think it is the same with people too. We may think it is love at first sight but they might not be a perfect match.

My next question is if I had love at first sight should I do what ever it takes to have that person? Sounds reasonable, one should try to make their dreams come true. But what if the other person does not like me? Should I go the extent to shake his/her life to achieve my love? How does it work? I have seen several movies where the guy who is said to fall in love with a girl makes several attempts, gets beaten if necessary for the girl. OK, now the sympathy factor kicks in and the girl falls for this guy.

But you are what you are. Even if you change your attitude a little bit or to a great extent to get the girl or the guy, you get back to your self after some time. Then what? Incompatibility leads to misunderstandings, frustrations etc. So, I guess before diving into all this love mania one should practically think if the other person will suit him/her to have a peaceful life. Life goes on. It does not stop because you did not get the one you liked. You will eventually get some one to be with. Remember Yash Chopra’s movie “Dil Tho Pagal Hai” – Some one some where is made for you!

My first love letter!

I know most of my friends will be curious to read this one to know if it was actually to Rajesh (my husband). Well, sorry to disappoint you guys but it is not. If it was it would not have been a suspense thriller! This was in the year 1998. I was pursuing my masters at College of Engineering, Osmania University. The university organizes a cultural festival every year called “All-go-rhythms”.

This was the first time for me. I was all excited and went around with my friends participating in various competitions like collaging, crossword competition, whose line is it anyway, things like that. I was with two of my friends who stopped at a class room which had “Billet-Doux” on a board in front of it. They said lets go and participate. The competition already started so we had to enter the room and take our seats. I was not sure what it was about (I did not take French in school. “Billet-Doux” in French means love letter) but looking at others I figured out that it was some kind of writing competition.

I was interested in writing anyways, so took a seat with a sheet of white paper in front of me. One of the organizers read the instructions, two of them to be precise. “Write a love letter”, “You have 1 hour time”. That’s it. I was shocked. My friends chuckled and started writing immediately. I did not know what to do. Reason, I never believed in love. I never encouraged love affairs in my life. By then I already counseled a few people on why they should never get involved with a guy or a girl. I saw very few romantic movies but as a critic. I always made fun of the lovers and the whole concept of romance in the movies.

Clock was ticking and I tried to look at the participants in the room. I was the only one who was not writing anything. After 30 minutes, my paper was still blank as I was absolutely clueless. My friends were all smiles, giggling, blushing as they were writing and asking for additional sheets. I was embarrassed. I always have an answer for every question and I felt ashamed for not being able to put a single line on the paper. So I wrote.

I remember that I have written some thing very philosophical. Well, I could have imagined that if I have a boy friend what would I say to him but I was too dumb in that one area. Usually people do not forget the first things in life. And this was my first love letter to an organizer of the competition may be but what ever it is, the first love letter I ever wrote. I do not remember the contents. I wish I met the guy who read it and asked his opinion!