Pay it forward – Is it possible?

This is the title of a movie released in the year 2000 with a concept of “When someone does you a big favor, don't pay it back... Pay It Forward.” These are the rules when you pay it forward

1. It has to be something that really helps people.
2. Something they can't do by themselves.
3. I do it for them; they do it for three other people.

I think this is a great concept. If we can implement it in real life it would make wonders. Now, how realistic and possible is this idea? We help people in different ways. We take it for granted and feel satisfied that we helped someone. But what is really helping people?

In the movie they show it as a 12 year old kid getting a homeless guy to his house without his mother’s knowledge to provide him with shelter and food. Can I do that? Even if I do something like that will my family approve of the deed? What is the guarantee that the person does not cause harm to me? All this is selfish thinking but it is human to think this way. In a perfect world may be the person’s conscious does not allow him/her to cause harm in any way to the helping person.

Not to expect any gratitude in return is a big deal. That said can I ask someone I helped to pay it forward by helping at least one other person? Why will they do it? The thing is I should be really determined to change the world. This is more like a revolution. I may fail in my attempts several times. I should not loose hope. I should try until I find someone who will do what I asked them to do.

The probability that someone will pay it forward might be very less. Now let’s assume that someone really did pay it forward. What if I do not know that he/she did that? If I get to know it might be inspirational to continue the good deed. I do not think I have the capability to bring this kind of revolution. I would like to try this out sometime but I guess I will give up after sometime.

I consider myself helpful. To my knowledge I have helped all the people who came to me for help, whom I felt would need help (though they did not ask me). But recently, I volunteered to help someone. They did not show any gratitude and then expected more from me. I felt they were not in need of my help and can get on with out me helping them. But to this day I feel guilty for avoiding that person in fear of having to help more!

The Yin-Yang of Acupuncture

I have been suffering from back pain for a few months now. I have tried various treatments but nothing seemed to help. Finally I tried Acupuncture. The thought of needles scared me initially but I did go after hearing the testimonials.

Acupuncture is based on the concept of Yin and Yang. Yin being a feminine energy and Yang is the masculine one. They are interdependent yet always in conflict with each other. Any imbalance between these two energies (which is bound to happen due to the conflicting nature) causes illness.

Once I read this it sounded something familiar, something like the marital relationship (of a man and a woman – better be specific!). I can speak of our generation in particular. Gone are the days when wife was humble, obedient, dependant on the husband. These days both of them are almost equals - educational qualifications, financial status etc. So the conflict between them is stronger than ever.

As part of the diagnosis of the problem, I took a test that showed the levels of Yin-Yang energies in my body. They need to balance out to be healthy. After identifying the problem areas needles were inserted into my arm for few minutes. It was miraculous. I had no pain at the end of the treatment. The problem does come back with less intensity but a few sessions will remove the pain completely.

The treatment for the problem causing area was to remove the block caused by the dominance of one of them (Yin or Yang). I thought if there was some kind of treatment available for our relationships too which can do the same, that is, resolve the problem in a few minutes by interfering. I guess that is what marriage counselors do!

It occurred to me that health is analogous to our marriage. We try to take good care of our health. When we get sick we do what ever it takes, compromise with most of the things to get well. I guess we need to do the same thing with our marriage too.

A priest’s rather expensive advice

It was my Son’s 3rd birthday. My in-laws suggested performing Aksharabhayasam to him before he started Pre School. It is a ceremony performed before a kid starts his/her formal education to get blessings from the Gods. So we went to a Hindu temple in Livermore, Silicon Valley. The location holds significance here as the priest’s demands change according to the location

Usually we call the Temple office and they allot the Priest who is available on the day. We were allotted a priest who might be in his early 30’s who was originally from Andhra Pradesh. The Pooja was done to our satisfaction and we were happy that my son got enough blessings. After the Pooja, I was helping the Priest clean up the Manadapam (the place where the Pooja was perfoemed) as I spoke to the Priest. I was not keeping good health and my husband wanted to know if he can perform any Pooja to help me get better.

The Priest was very excited that we started this topic. Here is our conversation:

Priest: Read Aditya Hrudayam (a prayer to Sun god) 16 times for 8 Sunday’s and then give some Dakshina (offerings) to a Brahmin.

I should confess that I am a little slow in understanding the underlying meaning of certain statements or conversations.

Me: I will definitely do that. Thank you for your suggestion. Really appreciate it.

I was very happy that he gave me the advice free of cost and was already thinking very highly of him.

Priest: It would be good if you can donate some form of gold to a Brahmin along with the Dakshina at the end of 8 weeks. It will keep your health intact.

Anyways, by now, any sane person would have realized that the Brahmin in the dialogue can be the Priest himself and he is waiting for me to say that I will come to him and give the gold to him. But I never get such things

It did not end there.

Priest: The gold offering can be in any form. It is better if you can give a gold coin with the carving of a Son God on it.

Me: Oh! Ok. But do we get such coins in the gold shops here?

My husband was surprised at my dumb question. He tried to signal me to stop talking but did I tell you that I am not good at picking up those signals either.

Priest: You can check all the stores in the Bay Area. I am not sure if they are available. You can get it from India if some body you know is visiting this place. In case you cannot find a gold coin like that you can also give a finger ring with a coral in it. You know Sun god likes Corals.

Me: Oh is it? OK. I think that is more likely to get in the stores here. I started thinking how will I know the size of the Brahmin to whom I am going to donate the ring
I looked at my husband eagerly to get his permission to say yes to the Priest. He was thankful that I looked at him at last and questioned me what was I doing. So I stood up and went close to him and he asked me to keep quiet. At this point I realized that may be the Priest is getting greedy. I tried to wrap it up with him and move but he continued:

Priest: Actually with a finger ring there are chances that we may take it out some times and put it aside. This way we can lose it and you don’t want us to lose it right. So I think the ideal thing would be to donate a gold chain of this height (he put his hand almost touching his belly to show the height of the chain) and a locket of a dollar size. That would be the best thing to do as we will never take out the chain and you won’t have the fear of losing it.

He continued saying that you should not worry about the cost of the offering as you both are software engineers earning here. (There he said it. This is a dialogue we some times hear from Priests in the temples here.)

That’s it now I understood his intentions. I smiled at him, gave him a heavy Dakshina and walked out of the temple. On our drive back home my husband was laughing at me for being so dumb.

PS: I dont mean to hurt the sentiments of anyone here, I simply wanted to narrate my experience

Rebirth

Do you believe in rebirth? I do. I am a Hindu. I was raised with all the epic stories which state rebirth a lot. I was told to be kind to people and do good things in this life as it gets carried to my next life. So practically I have the power to make my next life a better one. It felt nice to have that kind of control and I followed it.

I have seen the rebirth in trees. It hit me looking at the autumn season known as fall in North America where trees shed their leaves. The leaves of the trees change their color to a reddish hue prior to falling. It is also the season during which days get shorter and cooler, the nights get longer. I see a resemblance to human life here.

I used to feel really bad for the plants to lose all its leaves and look grey and dry. I never liked the empty trees. It is depressing to watch them. But the fall of 2006 changed my perception.

I observed that during summer the trees reach maturity and perfection. They look lush green and are full of great tasting fruits and flowers. So it is like one life cycle for the trees that can be compared to the human life. I see the on set of fall as the maturing season representing the old age followed by death(fall).

The interesting fact to be observed is that the tree does not lose its identity. It certainly loses what ever it owned in its previous life but if it is taken good care of, nurtured properly it has a better life in the next season. So, the fact that your today’s deeds gets carried over to a better tomorrow is true. Now I have a stronger reason to be good and do well!

Life gives answers in three ways

Life gives answers in three ways:

When you ask life for some thing
1. It says yes and gives you what you want
2. It says no and gives you something better
3. It says wait and gives you the best

My belief is that if you do not ask for anything, do not have any expectations, be sincere in your efforts you will get the best. It happened with me all my life. I never planned for anything. I took one step at a time, put in my sincere efforts got the best results.

I did not have a wish list for anything. Things just happened for me. May be I am very lucky. But I don’t believe that people are just lucky and they get what they want without the hard work. I think of it more as I got what I deserved. I guess it is like that with everyone.

I have seen my parents live like this. Dad and mom never had any expectations from life, from us, from what they did. And they led a happy, peaceful life. You will not face many disappointments in this way of life.

I believe in God. But I confess I pray most of the time when I need something, like when I go for an interview. But I never ask for success in my attempt. I do ask for the strength to do my best. After the interview or any exam I ask god to give me what I deserve the most. I will accept it happily; with out any regret what so ever. I am not a super human not to get disappointed when I fail in my attempts. But I do recover quickly keeping in mind that “Everything happens for the best.”

The secret is I don't know what is best for me, and I leave it for my fate, destiny or God to decide it for me. One catch for this is that you need to make the best of what is given to you. I failed at certain things in my life but I had better things that followed. So now when I fail at some thing I feel that it will do something good for me in the long run. Now I am less worried about my future!

What I learnt from a chameleon?

When I was a kid about 9 years old, I saw a chameleon for the first time on a tree in front of our house. I hate lizards but this one was different. My mom told me that it has an unusual ability to change the color of the skin. I was surprised and kept staring at it for quite sometime.

It changed its colors to brown when it was on the bark of the tree, to green when it was on the leaves and to red when it jumped to the brick wall next to the tree. Mom told me that it is trying to protect itself by not being visible. I accepted her version then.

Later, as I grew older, I felt that the chameleon is very wise in adapting to the surroundings. It may be true that it is defending itself, but I see it as it is trying to mingle with the surroundings. The way it perceives its environment is incredible. It is a great quality to have as you can really enjoy where ever you are if you can adapt to the surroundings well.

I observed that people always try to search for some one who are like them - similar ideas or ideologies. They get to be friendly with a similar group. I guess I learnt from the chameleon to match my wavelength with the people I interact with to make them comfortable in my presence.

You never know the true color of the chameleon. May be it feels insecure to stand out in a new place? But it can get along with anyone with its unusual yet great capacity.