My son was saying "I am proud of me" today. When I asked him why, he said he saw a cartoon and one of the characters was saying a difficult word and he is able to say it. I was happy that he understood the phrase and used it in the right context and was actually proud of learning some thing.
This made me think. Can I ever say that I am proud of myself? People around me said several times that they were proud of me. I have low self esteem. I think every person around me is better than I am in some or the other way. I am self critical and for some reason nobody can ever convince me that I am good at some thing.
These days I am on a job hunt. Trying to find a job after 10 months of break in software industry is not easy. This week I have an interview and I want to give my best. Today in spite of being a Sunday (whole family at home), Ugadi (our New Year festival) I managed to study for 6 hours. I learnt 2 new songs to divert myself from technology for a while, thought of two topics for my blog, and took some tickle tests (psychology tests to learn more about your self. These are pretty cool. If you haven’t tried these before try one you will like it. Their results are quite accurate.)
Later in the evening I was checking my email and received one forward mail. It turned out to be about a Professor at Carnegie Mellon University Randy Pausch, who is dying from pancreatic cancer. He gave his last lecture at the university before a packed Auditorium. In his talk, "Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams," Pausch talked about his lessons learned and gave advice to students on how to achieve their own career and personal goals.
I was very much impressed with his lecture. Not to mention I felt good that I actually follow some of his rules or principles. If you are interested here is the link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo
During dinner time my husband was complaining that our son doesn’t know how to write letters of the Alphabet properly and that we are not paying attention to him. This is his way of saying that you should do some thing about it. I confronted my husband confidently and said “I am aware of it and I am guilty that I am not paying much attention to him. Let me finish my interview and I will teach him how to write.” As I said this I already made a decision to take this as a challenge and make my son write in less than a week or 2. I am quite competitive you know. But here the point to be noted is the way in which I answered him. I never did that before. I was so sure of what I said and I did not feel bad.
Later my son asked me why I was studying so much. I told him I have an interview. He asked me why and I told him I have to find a job. He asked me why I want to go to work. I told him – “I like working. As you go to school to study and dad goes to work I too want to go to work. That will make me happy.” To that he responded saying, “you will be happy if you go to work?” and smiled. I felt as if I got a green signal from him.
Today I am proud of myself for what I am, for what I have accomplished so far, for my potential to do things. I still don’t agree that I am good at everything I do but I am proud of me (today) and it feels great!
This made me think. Can I ever say that I am proud of myself? People around me said several times that they were proud of me. I have low self esteem. I think every person around me is better than I am in some or the other way. I am self critical and for some reason nobody can ever convince me that I am good at some thing.
These days I am on a job hunt. Trying to find a job after 10 months of break in software industry is not easy. This week I have an interview and I want to give my best. Today in spite of being a Sunday (whole family at home), Ugadi (our New Year festival) I managed to study for 6 hours. I learnt 2 new songs to divert myself from technology for a while, thought of two topics for my blog, and took some tickle tests (psychology tests to learn more about your self. These are pretty cool. If you haven’t tried these before try one you will like it. Their results are quite accurate.)
Later in the evening I was checking my email and received one forward mail. It turned out to be about a Professor at Carnegie Mellon University Randy Pausch, who is dying from pancreatic cancer. He gave his last lecture at the university before a packed Auditorium. In his talk, "Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams," Pausch talked about his lessons learned and gave advice to students on how to achieve their own career and personal goals.
I was very much impressed with his lecture. Not to mention I felt good that I actually follow some of his rules or principles. If you are interested here is the link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo
During dinner time my husband was complaining that our son doesn’t know how to write letters of the Alphabet properly and that we are not paying attention to him. This is his way of saying that you should do some thing about it. I confronted my husband confidently and said “I am aware of it and I am guilty that I am not paying much attention to him. Let me finish my interview and I will teach him how to write.” As I said this I already made a decision to take this as a challenge and make my son write in less than a week or 2. I am quite competitive you know. But here the point to be noted is the way in which I answered him. I never did that before. I was so sure of what I said and I did not feel bad.
Later my son asked me why I was studying so much. I told him I have an interview. He asked me why and I told him I have to find a job. He asked me why I want to go to work. I told him – “I like working. As you go to school to study and dad goes to work I too want to go to work. That will make me happy.” To that he responded saying, “you will be happy if you go to work?” and smiled. I felt as if I got a green signal from him.
Today I am proud of myself for what I am, for what I have accomplished so far, for my potential to do things. I still don’t agree that I am good at everything I do but I am proud of me (today) and it feels great!
